Come on, Give Me Some Detail

There is a fine line in a unsolicited book review request between too much information and too little information.  Here is an example of too little information.

I got your name from the list of Amazon Top Reviewers. I’ve written a book, TITLE REMOVED I noticed from your Amazon profile that you frequently review books. If you think you might be interested in reading my book and posting an honest review of it on Amazon, I’ll gladly send a complimentary copy if you’ll reply with your preferred digital format (pdf, MOBI, ePub). There is no obligation, of course.

Really?  That’s it?  Based on the title, it might have been speculative fiction or a non-fiction political prediction or who knows what.  I mean, really, I have no idea what the book is about, so I have no idea if I would enjoy it or not.

And, as is a constant theme when looking at these requests, at least pretend you know what I review.  Either way, the book doesn’t look like my typical mystery.  So really, you are probably just wasting your time anyway.

Now I’m not looking for a detailed plot summary or anything.  But a sentence or two would certainly help me know if I am interested or not.  Without that, you are just going in my folder to be mocked later.

Almost Bragging Book Review Request

Time again for another book review request worth poking a little fun at.  One a week for the next few months until I get caught up.  Honest, I have that many.  Heck, I’ve flagged several in the next couple of weeks alone.

Anyway, here’s the one for this week.  I am editing out specifics, but here is the gist of what I was sent.

Dear Hall of Fame Reviewer,
I'm the author of the newly published book XXXXXXX.

I'm happy to let you know...

This book won third place, in Specific Book Festival Mentioned but Editted Out.,
which honors the best of international publishing.

The book was also named an "Honorable Mention" in Second Specific Book Festival.

It has received several good reviews including Kirkus review and from amazon Hall of Fame Reviewers – Grady Harp and Rebecca Reads.

I'll gladly send a complimentary copy if you consider it for review.

Book Title is published by Publisher (Publication date).
I would highly appreciate your valuable time and effort and welcome any honest, unbiased opinion.

Okay, so what was wrong with this request?

For starters, at least try to pretend you didn’t just run a computer program and get my e-mail address.  Even if you aren’t going to pretend you’ve read my reviews, you can take the time to say Dear Mark.  (Of course, if you are going to take the time to comment on one of my reviews, please act like you’ve paid attention to them, but those are issues that will come up in weeks to come.)

Now, honestly, I get the fact that, out of hundreds of books, your book getting 3rd or Honorable mention is a big deal to you.  And it probably really does mean something overall.  But as I was reading this e-mail, it seemed like you were bragging about nothing.  1st?  Definitely include it.  But if you are going to talk about 3rd, please tell me how many books were in the category instead of just giving me a link to the award (which I took out of what I quoted above).  I’m sorry, but I’m not that impressed by 3rd or Honorable Mention without at least a little context, especially since I haven’t heard of either festival before.

Then, there’s the recommendations from other Amazon reviewers.  While I do respect Rebecca Reads, Grady is suspect as a reviewer.  Glowing praise from him doesn’t necessarily mean much.  It’s kind of like getting a rave from Harriet Klausner actually.

Finally, what is your book about?  Fiction?  Non-fiction?  And if it is non-fiction, how much of that do I review?  (More now than I was when I got this e-mail, which is still pretty small.)  If you want me to read your book, don’t just send me the Amazon link and talk about all the praise it’s gotten.  Take a couple of sentences to tell me what it is about.

Triple Review Requests

It’s been a while since I talked about some of the review requests I get.  Believe me, that’s not because I haven’t been getting any.  There are days I think about taking my e-mail off my Amazon profile to cut down on the number I get.  Although with how I keep slipping in the new rankings (don’t get me started), I’ll probably drop off their radar completely in another year or two.

Anyway, let’s get through some of the backlog I’ve saved, shall we.

Up first is a little gem from February 3rd.  The subject line is Re: Amazon Advanced Review Request.

It starts out, “Hi Mark -- Hope you're doing well. My offer for an advance review copy of my new novel TITLE WITHELD, due April 2, still stands. Below is an advance review for background info.”

Okay, from there, we scroll down, and we quickly realize this is the third e-mail he’s sent me about his book.  Since some of them do go to my spam folder (where I let them stay since I respond to one every two years or so and usually regret it), I can understand a follow up e-mail.  However, this was a third.  The first was dated January 5th.  Then January 25th.  So in less than a month, he’s contacted me three times about a book that comes out in April.  Pushy much?

I never respond.  I just don’t have the time to respond since this is the equivalent of junk mail.  I mean, it really does belong in my spam most of the time.  Most people understand since they are sending me an unsolicited request.  But not this guy.  He has to ask me three times if I want to read his book.

Of course, he’s not as bad as the guy who sent me requests every month for at least six months with the exact same pitch every time.  At least here, he admits he’s being pushy and stops after a month.

The Double Useless Review Requests

In 11 days, I got two requests from the same person.  Now, it's not that unusual to get multiple requests about the same thing as a follow up.  (I've got one coming that's a third request.)  But that's not the case here.

First game a book review request.  The author must live in Greece, and he included the very briefests of a plot teaser.  It actually reads like what might be at the very top of the back of a book, but there's hardly any detail about it.  For example, I'm guessing that it is a novel.  And it sounds like a bunch of character sitting around and learning that all religions are one.  So basically, I'll be "learning" something I believe to be a lie, and I'll be preached to the entire time by boring lectures from one character to another. Yeah, I'm going to rush out and not read that book.

Then there's the fact that I could reply to have the book sent to my device.  Sorry, but I don't have a device.

I set the e-mail aside to include in my blog only to get another one 11 days later from the author.  No, he wasn't asking if I was interested in the book.  Instead, he was asking me to listen to and rate a song he's written and posted over at iTunes.  Obviously, I'm just on a spam mailing list now because I have never rated anything there, at least that I remember doing.  And if so, it's so little I doubt my influence means anything.

While the first e-mail was poorly done but might have been interesting, the second one proves he's just a spammer who isn't trying at all to target his audience.

The Too Early Review Request

Last week I got quite a few review requests, so I have enough fodder for another couple weeks.  This week they stopped coming.  Maybe they realized I would be mocking them so backed off?

This week's example is a little hard to describe because it's all given over to plot teaser, and I'm not trying to make these obvious who sent them.

The book is aimed at kids who play video games.  Again, not my normal reading material, although I am trying to read more kids books than I used to right now.  I find them quite fun.

But here's the thing.  The book being advertised doesn't come out until May.  That's great - plenty of lead time if you want to request a copy for review.  But it never offers a copy for review.  The author does hope I will choose to review it for my readers, whoever they might be.  Doesn't reference my Amazon reviews, so this is an even more generic form letter than I normally get.

And if you aren't going to offer a free review copy (which you certainly don't have to do), then wait until closer to when the book is released or else it will be completely forgotten by the time the book does come out.

It's too bad because for free I might have actually been interested in this one.

Review Requests I Get

I've started getting so many requests to review books thanks to my reviews at Amazon that I thought I would share some of the funnier ones here occasionally.  (I think I did this once or twice in the past, but this might become a regular feature).  These seem to have increased recently thanks to the self-publishing capabilities of Amazon.  So here's the first (and the real inspiration.)

The e-mail starts out like this.

Greetings,

First of all, I want to thank you if you reviewed one of my previous novels [Name of books removed] I recognize that reviewing a novel is a very personal adventure, in addition to being taxing on your time and patience. If the experience of reviewing one of my novels was not unpleasant, then I am happy to offer a new novel for review. It is always my desire to offer a PDF to review, but I understand the need for a physical book in hand and gladly oblige such a request. I am also open to author interviews and giveaways.

Now I don't mind getting a form letter.  Most of them are.  However, there are some serious things that made me laugh here.

First, he doesn't even bother targetting this to those who have reviewed a novel previously or not.  Instead, it is so impersonal that he thanks those who have "if you have."  Way to make sure it sounds like a spam e-mail.  I know if I had reviewed a previous book, it would make me feel so appreciated.  Since I haven't, I'm okay with it.

Usually, a review request will mention seeing my profile at Amazon, so at least they are targetting me because of that.  Here, it sounds like he is hitting me up for promotion on my blog.  How many author interviews and giveaways have you seen around here?  That's what I thought.

Dude, at least write two or three different form letters and target them better.

Here's the thing.  I recognized the name.  I've ignored him in the past (most of the time, these just go in the trash).  So maybe you need to try a different approach with people who have ignored you.

I won't share the plot synopsis, but let's just say that it sounds boring except for a mention of zombies.

Yes, this appears to be a zombie novel.  How, let's talk about targetting again.  How many zombie novels and movies have I talked about here?  0.  Guess how many that means I've read.  You guessed it.  So again, why are you sending me a request when I've ignored you in the past and you write something I don't normally read?

E-mail is certainly cheaper than regular mail, but it opens us up to more junk like this which obviously really doesn't apply to me.  But I get a laugh out of it and move on.