Cut

Last week, we had our third Winter League game.  It was against one of the few teams coming back from two years ago and the only team coming back that we’d beaten.  And we lost.  We really aren’t doing too well this year, lots of newer players.  It just takes some time for people to develop confidence in their skills.

Of course, instead of “We” when it comes to Winter League, I should be saying “They.”  In order to cut down on the number of guys on the team this year, we were given a three game try out period and then the number of guys was cut down.  And I was one of those cut.

I’m not surprised.  In fact, I expected it.  I have no delusions of grandeur.  In fact, most days I recognize that I have delusions of adequacy.  From a logical standpoint, if I were cutting people from the team, I’d be the first person cut.  In fact, I’ve been saying that I’d be the first person cut ever since we started talking about doing things this way.

And yet, it hurts.  It hurts big time.  I’ve played Summer League since 1999, and I’ve been trying to get a team together for Winter League ever since.  I’ve only played on a team once before.  And the fact that this is with my friends, people I play with all the time, makes it that much worse.

I’m definitely taking the next 6 weeks or so off of pick up.  Listening to them talking about it will just hurt too much.  I know, I’ve seen that happen in years past.

And I’m debating whether I will pick up the game again after that.  I’ve been thinking for a couple of years that I’m just too slow.  I’m a liability for any team I am on instead of an asset, and maybe it’s time to take to heart the idea that I just can’t run fast enough to play and stop playing.

Or maybe it’s just the depressed me talking.  I need to shake this funk I’ve been under for the last couple of months.