Friday, April 30, 2004

Remember how proud of myself I was for not spending a lot of money last week at the book festival? Totally blew that Tuesday night. You see, I went to Border's, and used one of the 20% off coupons I'd gotten. So just think of all the money I'd saved that way.

Actually, one thing I got was my brother's college graduation present. So it wasn't all for me. Over half for me? Yes. All for me? No.

The last few days have been a struggle emotionally. I'm taking Renee's death much harder then I thought I would. Maybe because I'm so far from family? Mostly, I think it's because of all the loss we've had in our family in the last two years. It was two years ago Wednesday that we lost Grpop. My family is really going through lots of change and struggle. And it's certainly not easy at all.

Meanwhile, we've been having major discussions about whether I should go up for the service tomorrow or not. Basically, I'd have to leave tonight, spend the night in a hotel, attend, then leave to head back down here tomorrow. I'd be driving and spending two nights on the road for three of four hours with family. Now, if I could do it as a day trip, I'd be there in a heart beat. But it just doesn't make sense for me to go, logically. Emotionally, on the other hand, Mom really wants me there. But since she can tell me all the reasons I shouldn't go, it's been really hard. I've decided to stay down here, but not without some guilt. At least I'll see them in a few weeks at Mike's graduation.

No comments: